So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just cut my nipple shaving
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
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Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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