you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
