Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
