i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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