i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
