i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
