One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My feet surprised me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
