i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
