y did u give ur computer a hand job?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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