We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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