I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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