I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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