The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
