I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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