I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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