Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
