You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
