You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
