I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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