aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
