no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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