she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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