Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My pussy is not your playground.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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