She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Vodka?
Forever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
