Can i not drive my cunt home
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Me too!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
