What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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