My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
