I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
