East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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