I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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