they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
