im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
