Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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