You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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