Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
