I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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