She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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