I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
