I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
