Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
