Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
