my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
