There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
