i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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