i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
