Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
