So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
