I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
