I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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