Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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