Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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