i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
