wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
