I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
