Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
