yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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