Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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