Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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