Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
