I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
